CREATING A BALANCED CHILDHOOD (Fostering spirituality in children)

I’ve often wondered how to teach my children a true sense of spirituality, a way to nurture their inherent spirit, and intrinsic desire to connect with what is good, healthy and ideal in this world?  I’ve heard it said that spirituality is something that develops over time, and that people view somebody who is spiritual as older, wise, stoically connected with nature, God and the universe.  But, when does that connection start?  Birth, puberty, after a life-altering event?  I think children are naturally spiritual, and as a parent I want to foster that inherent spirit into a reliable foundation from which my children can grow and develop.  

Where can parents start teaching these grand lessons of life? 

As an early childhood educator, I have a healthy respect for structured learning.  Children learn important lessons in school, as well as in formal child care.  Successful learning often happens within the comfort of everyday routines, in quality child centre settings, and with nurturing educators and teachers.  Having the peace of mind that my children’s formal education is being taken care of by their educators, I want to keep my attention on the lifelong learning that starts in my home.  

Children take comfort in repetition, routines, and the rituals that occur in their lives.  Once we set babies on a schedule, we marvel at how smooth things can go.  As children grow we nurture this sense of security by maintaining routines, setting limits on behaviour, and helping them realize and appreciate healthy boundaries.  If we plug spirituality into their lives, we can expand routines into traditions, rituals into customs, and repetition into regular spiritual practice.

There are some practical ways that parents can nurture spirituality in children.  These ways, which may not seem important on their own, and can be overlooked, can become a part of everyday home life, and teach children everything they need to know about healthy spiritual living.

 

LET YOUR CHILDREN KNOW THAT FAMILY; WHATEVER THE PHYSICAL MAKE UP, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE.  I’ve always wanted my boys, now 12 and 15, to find as much growth and development in each other as they do from the adults around them.  Often when one asks me to help with something, I will ask if they've asked their brother.  I won't be here forever, and I want them to learn to go to each other for help.  If one can’t help the other, of if they can’t come up with a solution together, my husband and I will gladly step in.  Good socialization starts at home.  Socially successful children tend do better in life.  School can teach school.  Family should teach family. Ultimately the father teaches the son to be a man, and mothers teach daughters what it means to be a woman.  Siblings can teach each other how to be friends.

 

MAKE SURE CHILDREN KNOW THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.  Children need security, and shouldn't have to wonder what will happen to them.  Create a list of people who can step in if you're gone, and make sure your children have a quality relationship with those people.  This starts from when you have to run out for milk, to going on a date with your partner, to being away on overnight business trips.  Family isn't always about blood relationships.  Children grow and learn from trusted adults around them, and these adult child relationships should be high quality and reliable.  When children are young they need adults to take care of them.  As they grow adults teach children to take care of themselves. Between these times, it's important children know someone is there, and always will be.

 CREATE A LIFE FULL OF FAMILY TRADITIONS THAT CHILDREN CAN REVISIT TIME AND AGAIN.  I want my children to grow up saying, " Every Christmas we . . . or every summer we . . . or on my birthday I remember we always . . ." Memories are foundations not only to build from, but to revisit and start from again.  If children stray, they'll need something to come back to.   

 

Remind children that the television is not a member of the family.  Yes, children should know about popular TV, it's part of our culture and their socialization, but television and electronics are not companions. 

·         Use the TV guide to limit TV viewing.  Decide what to watch before the TV goes on.  When the show is over, turn the TV off.  Get your children out of the habit of channel surfing because there is nothing else to do.

·         Keep the TV off during meals.  It will force your family to talk to each other.  Let the answering machine pick up phone calls, so children get the message that they are more important than the telephone. 

·         Keep the TV off during transitions, i.e. getting ready for school or bed.  Help children learn to focus on the task at hand.  TV distracts, and delivers constant background noise. There is nothing wrong with just hearing the noise of the house.

·         Remember that adult reaction to violent TV teaches subtle lessons.  Show outrage at injustice or unfair play on TV.  Suggest character alternatives to your child.  Young children believe what they see.  Help them learn the difference between fantasy and reality.  Ask your older child what they think would really happen if two cars chased each other through a busy downtown street. 

Instead of TV, have meals together as a family.  Where else will children learn proper table manners?  Spend Sunday afternoons together.  Watch movies with popcorn on Friday nights, or teach your child how to play board games.  Board games teach children how to win gracefully, how to lose with pride, and what is fair play.   These little things may not seem to matter right now, but a child's heart remembers, and the heart is where a child’s spirit grows.   

 

KEEP YOUR CHILDREN’S CHILDHOOD INNOCENT.  On any given day my home may seem like an unpopular dictatorship.  My husband and I set the rules and guidelines for behaviour, and our children are expected to follow them.  This may sound harsh, but it creates a very simplistic atmosphere and everyone's role becomes quite clear.  They are children.  We are adults.  Their job is to go to school, do their best, and follow the family and school rules.  In between they are to play outside, but let us know where they're going.  They should investigate the world, and let us know what they find.  They should hang from trees, scream like crazy and laugh at things only known to them.  In short, they are to be children.  They are not to worry about the family finances, mom and dad’s career or life choices, or what our neighbours do behind closed doors.  My children are not my friends, at least not right now.  But, when they are older I hope to share our lifetime of memories and a special friendship with each of them. 

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN INNER DISCIPLINE.  Let children know what you expect, teach them how to reach high expectations, then give them space to rise to the challenge.  Set limits and stick to them.  The yucky job of parenting is sticking to the "No" you just said.  Modeling consistency is hard, but teaching children to respect 'no' is a tough lesson they need to learn at home.  Better that you teach it instead of leaving it to some other official body, like the police or the government.  Sports activities may seem expensive, but they can teach focus and self-discipline.  Money spent on sports now is a better investment that money spent on counselors, bail or lawyer's fees later.

 

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO MAKE MISTAKES.  Let children know it’s okay to make mistakes.  The important thing is learning how to make amends.  Teach your child how to apologize, not just say, "I’m sorry."  Genuine apologies mean making amends, actively fixing the problem, learning from the mistake, and what not to do again. 

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO MAKE CHOICES.  These days, children are busy.  Busier than we were as children and often just a busy as we are now!  Teach your child to choose events so that attendance to them is meaningful.  Make sure they have the time to immerse themselves in what they do.  Hurried attendance too many things is meaningless.  Self-discipline stems from learning to take the time to master a task.  Teach children the law of the farm and make sure they have time to learn how to persevere.  Also teach them how to build things that last, and if they do what they love, success will follow.

 

SHOW CHILDREN; DON'T TELL THEM.  We all know it.  Children do as you do, not as you say.  Children who enjoy positive peer relationships have parents who model good peer relationships.  Teach your child how to treat other people.  It is important to teach them how to stand up for themselves, but not be intolerance.  When we return to a store to rage at the clerk for providing the wrong change, are we teaching justice or intolerance to mistakes?  So much of what we do is picked up and stored in our children’s hearts.

 

ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN TO DREAM, and then show them how the little things tie together to make dreams come true.  A child who masters the morning routine gets to school early and enjoys more playtime with friends.  Organized homework constitutes regular study habits that result in a strong work ethic.

 

With a secure foundation laid, the big lessons in life will fall into place.  Basic principles will build a foundation for formal philosophical learning later.  If children know the small things, when the big things come they will learn more from a position of knowledge and strength.  This will make sure we leave the world in strong confident hands.